


BJ 1852 
.M3 
Copy 1 



■ 
■ 




LIBRARY OF CONGRESS, 



Shelf_.i3i,. 



UNITED STATES OF AMERICA. 



y 



MANNERS 



The following ladies find this little handbook so 
carefully compiled and so accurate in detail that 
they feel no hesitation in giving it their support 
and endorsement : 

Mrs. Abraham S. Hewitt, 
Mrs. S. L. M. Barlow, 

Mrs. Chauncey M. Depew, 
Mrs. Theodore Roosevelt, 
Mrs. Wm. Lane Booker, 
Mrs. Donald Cameron, 
Mrs. Edward J. Woolsey, 

Mrs. Burton N. Harrison, 
Mrs. Arthur M. Dodge. 



MANNERS 



A HAND-BOOK OF SOCIAL CUSTOMS 



" Manners must adorn knowledge, and smooth 
its way through the world" 

—Lord Chesterfield. 



" 1 advise you use your Manners discreetly in 
all kinds of companies" 

—Shakespeare. 



f V 



r i> ' 

APf 28 1^88 T 

CASSELL & COMPANY, Limited 

104 & 106 Fourth Avenue, New York 






Copyright, 

1888, 

By O. M. DUNHAM. 



All rights reserved. 



Press W. L. Mershon & Co.,, 
..Rahway, N. ,J. 



PUBLISHERS' NOTE. 



This little volume of social customs is 
published to meet a demand that has long 
been acknowledged. There are hundreds 
of books on this important subject, many of 
them of no little value, but it is a general 
complaint that to find an answer in them 
to any mooted question one has to wade 
through much pleasantly written but entirely 
superfluous matter. The claim that is made 
for the present volume is that every subject 
is conveniently arranged, and that no time 
is lost in getting to the point, and that the 
rules laid down are those followed by the 
best society. The publishers are not at 



Publishers' Note. 



liberty to mention the name of the writer, 
but they may say that she is a member of 
New York's most exclusive social circles, and 
that her name is a guarantee for the authori- 
tative character of this handbook, which is 
not a mere compilation, but is written from 
the author's own experience as a woman of 
society and fashion. 

The Publishers. 



MANNERS. 



BALLS OR EVENING PARTIES. 

These entertainments always include danc- 
ing and a supper. If large, they are called 
"balls," but if small simply " dances " or 
"parties." 

HOUR. — Unfortunately, fashion has made 
this very late, and unless especially indicated 
on the invitation, half-past ten is the earliest 
a hostess can hope to assemble her guests. 
In large cities, an hour later even will hard- 
ly insure the rooms being full. 

Subscription Dances.-— In most of the 
large cities, several series of dances are ar- 
ranged by certain of the social leaders, to 



Manners. 



which people are invited to subscribe. 
Each subscriber is usually entitled to a 
number of invitations for distribution, though 
in some instances the price of the subscrip- 
tion is small, and only permits one person 
to take advantage of each. 

Public Halls. — The subscription balls 
take place in some public ball-room, as a 
rule. In New York, for instance, at Del- 
monico's. 

Ladies Receiving. — Several ladies are 
selected to form the reception committee, 
and they stand in one of the outer rooms, 
bowing to the guests as they enter. 

Shaking Hands. — On such occasions, 
no one shakes hands ; the ladies courtesy, 
and the gentlemen bow. 

Chaperons. — No unmarried lady should 
go to one of these balls, or to any large 
party, without a chaperon, and invitations 
should be sent to an elder member of her 
iamily, in order that she need not look out- 



Manners. 



side for proper attendance. In the West 
and South, it is quite customary for gentle- 
men to take unmarried ladies to evening 
entertainments, but in the Eastern States, 
and in the best society in our cities, such a 
thing is unheard of, and would be considered 
the greatest breach of decorum. 

Small Dances. — It is not absolutely 
necessary that a young lady should have a 
chaperon at a small or informal dance in a 
private house, but she should be escorted 
there and back by a servant or some rela- 
tive. 

Toilets. — At a ball, a lady can display 
her handsomest jewels and wear as elaborate 
a toilet as she pleases. Gentlemen should 
always appear in dress suits. 

MUSIC, ETC. — Excellent music should be 
provided, and a smooth floor to dance on. 

Supper. — Is usually served about 12.30, 
and should consist of hot and cold dishes, 
such as oysters, bouillon, game, croquettes, 



Mi 



anners. 



filet of beef, salads, pates, ices, cakes, 
sweets, jellies, fruit, and champagne, punch, 
lemonade and mineral waters are usually 
provided. Small tables are frequently used 
at balls, so that four or six people may sit 
at one table and eat their supper comfort- 
ably in courses. 

Attendance. — Maids should be in the 
ladies' dressing-rooms, and valets in the gen- 
tlemen's. Small fees of twenty-five or fifty 
cents are often given to servants in the 
dressing-room at a public ball, but never in 
private houses in this country, though the 
custom is common in England. Waiters 
should be on hand at supper to serve the 
meal, as the fashion of the gentlemen wait- 
ing upon the ladies is rapidly becoming 
obsolete. 

AWNINGS. — In large cities, an awning 
should always be extended from the front 
door to the curb-stone, on the occasion of 
a reception, or other entertainment, as the 



Manners. 



ladies do not like to step out of their car- 
riages in light and elaborate dresses without 
some protection from the weather and from 
the impertinent gaze of a curious crowd. 

Cotillon or German. — This dance, 
now so widely known, fills up the larger part 
of the evening, and begins, as a rule, imme- 
diately after supper. In a private house, the 
gentleman who has been invited to lead the 
German must ask the unmarried daughter of 
the family to dance with him, or the mar- 
ried daughter, if so indicated as the family's 
choice. At the more general dances or 
large balls, a young married lady is us- 
ually the one selected to dance with the 
leader. 

Partners. — It is quite the custom for a 
gentleman to engage a partner for the Co- 
tillon before the evening of the dance, and 
in this case, provided he can afford it, he 
usually sends her a bouquet of flowers. 

Flowers Carried to Balls. — The fash- 



Manners. 



ion of carrying numerous bouquets to a ball 
is rapidly ceasing to exist, and many of the 
most popular belles refuse to take any flow- 
ers into a ball-room, the old custom having 
given rise to so much vulgar rivalry and dis- 
play. 

Public Balls. — These are much more 
promiscuous than private balls, even when 
conducted carefully, and tickets can gener- 
ally be purchased for $5.00 each, not in- 
cluding supper. As a rule they are under- 
taken for the benefit of some charity or 
public fund. 

Cards of Dancing. — At such balls cards 
giving the order of dances are provided, on 
which gentlemen can write the names oppo- 
site the numbers of the dances, for which 
they have been accepted by the lady hold- 
ing the card. In England such cards are 
used universally, but rarely at private balls 
in our country. At public balls square and 
round dances are danced, but no cotillons. 



Manners. 



Fancy Balls. — In private houses these 
are conducted like other parties, the only- 
difference being in the costumes of the 
guests, who are expected to personate some 
historical character, or one in fiction, etc. 



BREAKFAST. 

The hour for this meal depends entirely 
upon the habits and taste of the household. 
In many instances, coffee or tea, rolls and 
eggs in some form, are sent on trays to the 
different bedrooms, the family not coming 
together for a general meal until about 
noon, but the manner of serving breakfast 
in the dining-room does not vary with the 
hour, and this meal should always be entirely 
informal. 

Service. — A tea and coffee tray should 
be in front of the mistress of the house. It 
is quite permissible for people to wait on 



8 M 



aimers. 



themselves and each other at the breakfast- 
table ; and as the bread, small dishes, etc., 
are frequently on the side table, this is a very 
convenient fashion. One servant is enough 
in the dining-room in the morning, even 
though a larger number may be re- 
tained. 

COURSES. — Ordinary courses for breakfast 
consist of three or four, such as hominy or 
oatmeal first, then eggs, meat, or ham, and 
the chief portion of the food, followed by 
griddle-cakes and finally fruit. Toast should 
be freshly made, and sent up from time to 
time while the breakfast goes on. It should 
be always hot, as cold toast is never palat- 
able. 

Late Breakfast.— In imitation of the 
French, the meal which in our country is 
usually called " lunch " is sometimes desig- 
nated as " breakfast/' and is served between 
the hours of twelve and one. This meal can 
either be formal, resembling a dinner, or in- 



Manners. 



formal like the breakfast we have already 
described. 

Wines. — Claret or white wine is as a rule 
served at late breakfast. 



CARDS. 

The proper size for cards is easily ascer- 
tained at any good stationer's. 

Printing. — This should be small and 
plain. 

COLOR. — The color of cards should al- 
ways be white. 

Husband and Wife. — It is no longer 
the fashion to have the two names printed 
together. 

Gentleman's Card.— This should be 
very small, and the name prefixed by " Mr." 

Lady's Card. — This should be of me- 
dium size and her name should be pre- 
fixed by " Mrs." or " Miss." 



IO 



Manners. 



Mother and Daughter. — An unmar- 
ried lady should have her name printed be- 
low her mother's or guardian's on the same 
card, and in formal visiting she should al- 
ways use such a card in preference to an 
individual one. This latter should be re- 
served for very intimate friends. 

Omission of Christian Names. — If a 
lady or gentleman represents the oldest 
branch of the family and there is small dan- 
ger of any confusion, it is better taste to 
omit the Christian name or initials and to 
have the cards simply printed " Mrs. Ver- 
non " or " Mr. Vernon." The oldest daugh- 
ter in a family should never use her Christian 
name or initials on her cards, but have the 
cards printed " Miss Vernon." 

Number of Cards to be Left. — Upon 
a married lady whose husband is living, by a 
married lady whose husband is living, one of 
the lady's cards and two of the husband's. 

Upon a married lady with a daughter in 



Manners. 1 1 



society, two of the lady's and three of the 
husband's. 

Turning Down Corners of Cards. — 
This is no longer the fashion. Separate 
cards should be left for each lady in the 
family. A married lady can leave her hus- 
band's or son's cards in the hall when making 
a visit, and an unmarried lady can in the 
same way leave her brother's or father's. 

Husband's Profession, Etc. — No lady 
should use on her cards a suggestion of her 
husband's profession or honors, such as 
"Mrs. General Brown," " Mrs. Dr. Smith," 
etc. Nor should she be so addressed in con- 
versation. 

Address on Cards. — This is usually 
printed on the lower right-hand corner. 
When a lady changes her residence, she 
should send cards to her acquaintances with 
her new address. 

P. P. C. — If a lady is going away to be 
absent for any length of time, she writes 



1 2 Manners. 



p. p. c. on her cards and mails the latter to her 
acquaintances. The letters thus used signify 
"pour prendre conge" which translated from 
the French means " to take leave." 

Cards of Condolence. — If death occurs 
in any household where one is in the habit 
of visiting, it is proper to leave cards upon 
the family within a month after. 

Gentleman's Formal Visit. — When 
a gentleman calls after receiving hospitality, 
he should leave cards for all the ladies of the 
family and one for the gentleman represent- 
ing the head of the house, whether young or 
old. 

Calling upon a Guest. — When a gentle- 
man calls upon a lady who is a guest in the 
household, he should send a card to the lady 
of the house, even though he is unacquainted 
with her. 

Lady's Formal Visit. — When a lady 
is paying merely formal visits she need not 
necessarily ask whether the lady upon whom 



Manners. 13 



she is calling is at home, but can leave cards 
simply, unless she is under obligation for 
some courtesy, in which case she must ask 
whether the lady can receive her. 

Cards Left at Receptions. — It is better 
to leave cards in the hall when entering an 
afternoon reception or tea, as the hostess 
might otherwise not remember your presence, 
and a card left in person would afterwards 
remind her that she was your debtor for a 
visit — for if you attend an afternoon recep- 
tion it is equivalent to a call. 



CALLS OR VISITS. 

Visiting Hours. — The usual hours for 
general visiting are between three and six 
o'clock. Formal calls should not be made 
before luncheon. 

Frequency of Formal Calls. — These 
should be exchanged if possible once a yean 



14 Manners. 



Calls upon Strangers. — When strang- 
ers arrive in your city to whom you wish to 
show civility, the first step is to call upon 
them. In France the new comer pays the 
first call, but this is not the custom in our 
country. 

Inviting Strangers to Your House. 
— It is not good breeding to invite people 
to your house until you have left cards 
upon them — though this courtesy is some- 
times omitted. 

First Calls. — These should always be 
promptly returned, that is, within seven 
days. If a first call is immediately followed 
by an invitation to some entertainment, the 
call should be returned at once and not de- 
layed until after the entertainment. After 
the entertainment a second call should be 
made. 

Calls that are Important to Make. 
— The recipient of any especial hospitality, 
such as a dinner, luncheon, breakfast, dance, 






Manners. 1 5 



etc., should call as soon thereafter as possible. 
After having been invited to visit in a 
country house, a call should be made upon 
those extending the invitation immediately 
after their return to the town residence. 
After a lady is married her acquaintances 
should soon call upon her. 

General Suggestions. — A gentleman 
should never ask to call upon a lady, but wait 
for her to signify that his presence in her 
house will be agreeable. A card from her 
giving notice of a day at home, or contain- 
ing an invitation to some entertainment, 
of course gives him the entree to her 
house. 

If a gentleman or lady is making a call 
and other guests arrive, the first comers 
should withdraw within a little while. 

A gentleman should immediately rise 
when ladies or older gentlemen enter or 
leave a room in which he is sitting. 

An unmarried or a younger lady should 



1 6 Manners. 



also rise when married or older ladies enter 
the room and also when they leave it. 

At HOME. — If you receive cards to a 
series of " at homes," and for some good 
reason cannot accept the invitation, send 
your card on the last day named. 



CARRIAGES, etc. 

For the fashion in these such firms as 
Brewster & Co., or A. S. Flandrau & Co., 
of New York, can be safely consulted. 

HARNESS. — The best style of harness can 
readily be ascertained in London, Paris, or 
New York, by referring to the well-known 
dealers. 

HORSES. — In buying horses, any one 
ignorant of their merits and defects should 
seek advice from a person of experience and 
judgment in the matter. 

LlVERY. — Certain tailors in New York 



Manners. 1 7 



and the large cities make it a feature of 
their business to supply the correct styles of 
either house or carriage liveries, and we 
recommend persons in any doubt to employ 
such. In this country it is considered 
extremely vulgar for coachmen or grooms to 
wear cockades on their hats. In England 
cockades are only worn by servants in the 
employ of men who hold official positions. 

STYLE. — In the choice of turnouts, their 
appointments, etc., fashion should be closely 
adhered to, for in order to have them in the 
best form there is little or no room for 
departure from it. 



CLUBS. 

When a gentleman wishes to become a 
member of a club or organization, he should, 
through some friend or acquaintance, provide 
himself with a copy of the Constitution and 



1 8 Manners. 



By-Laws of such a body, and therefrom 
gather all necessary information before join- 
ing. A few hints may here be given, 
however, as to the proper conduct of a 
gentleman when once admitted to the privi- 
leges of our best social clubs. 

Hats. — It is perfectly permissible for a 
gentleman to keep his hat on while in a 
club. 

Quarreling or Loud Talking in a club 
are extremely to be censured. 

SLEEPING. — It is considered most ungen. 
tlemanly for any one to sleep while in the 
public rooms of the Club House. 

Debts of Strangers. — When a gentle- 
man is admitted to the privileges of a club 
through the courtesy of a member, he is 
expected, when his temporary membership 
ceases, to pay any debts he may have in- 
curred, for if he omits to do this his club- 
host is obliged to settle his account for him. 

P. P. C. — It is also customary for a guest, 



Maimers. 1 9 



at the expiration of his time, to put his card 
in an envelope addressed to the host and to 
leave it at the office of" the club. On the 
bottom of the card he should write p. p. c. 
which signifies, " pour prendre conge" — mean- 
ing — " to take leave." 



CHAPERONS. 

The word chaperon is French, signifying a 
married lady or one of sufficient age and 
dignity to accompany an unmarried one with 
propriety to any reputable entertainment. 

When Necessary. — An unmarried lady 
should never go to theatres, operas, concerts, 
balls, or any evening amusements except in 
a private house, unattended by some proper 
guardian or chaperon. There are also many 
occasions in the day-time when a chaperon's 
services are essential. No party of any kind 
which includes both sexes should be formed 



2o Manner $ t 



unless some married lady has the charge 
of it. 

Courtesy to Chaperons. — The greatest 
courtesy and deference to a chaperon should 
always be manifested by the young ladies 
and gentlemen under her charge. Indiffer- 
ent civility in this respect is the height of 
ill-breeding. 

In a Ball-room. — When an older lady 
passes a younger one in a ball-room and 
bows, the younger one should never remain 
seated when returning such a mark of recog- 
nition. 

LEAVING A ROOM. — In leaving a room sim- 
ultaneously, younger and unmarried ladies 
should always stand aside until the older or 
married ones have passed out. 

Duty of a Chaperon. — She should be- 
have with dignity, though she should be as 
genial and agreeable to the younger members 
of her party as possible. She should see 
that the unmarried ladies she has had charge 



Manners. 2 1 



of reach home safely, and should never leave 
them to a chance escort, no matter how tired 
she may feel after the entertainment. 



CHRISTENINGS. 

When children are to be christened at 
home, it is rapidly becoming the custom to 
celebrate such events by giving some sort of 
a social entertainment, the size or arrange- 
ment of which depends upon the taste and 
circumstances of the parents. If many are 
to be present, the invitations should be sent 
out formally, as though for an afternoon re- 
ception. 

The usual hours selected are from four un- 
til six P.M. 

Upon a small table a silver or china bowl 
should be placed, which is used as a font. 
Flowers in abundance are never in bad taste 
at a christening. 



22 Manner's. 



CAUDLE. — After the clergyman has per- 
formed the baptism, a beverage called 
" caudle " is served in cups to the guests. 

Recipe for making Caudle. — This should be 
made of fine, smooth oatmeal gruel, flavored 
with wine or rum, lemon peel or nutmeg, and 
sugar added according to taste. 



COATS-OF-ARMS. 

Heraldry is commonly defined as " the 
science of conventional distinctions im- 
pressed on shields, banners, and other mili- 
tary accoutrements." It owes its origin, 
doubtless, to the Crusades, for in these wars 
devices were borne upon the shields of the 
different leaders in order to distinguish one 
from another, and the descendants of these 
leaders adopted such devices, placing them, 
from generation to generation, on a family 
shield or escutcheon as a mark of inherited 



Manners. 23 



social distinction. Devices borne on the 
shields and banners of champions are of 
great antiquity, vide the shields of Achilles 
and Hercules, but these were rather more 
ornamental than heraldic, and it is not until 
the Middle Ages that we find notice of cog- 
nizances borne by individuals. 

Crest. — The crest was the ornament worn 
on the helmet. 

QUARTERINGS. — A man after marriage 
places his wife's paternal arms upright on the 
left side of his own on the same escutcheon, 
and this is called a quartering. If the wife 
be an heiress, then the husband can place 
her arms above his on the shield. The 
children only use the father's coat-of-arms, 
unless they inherit property from the 
mother. 

A widow's arms are composed of her 
father's and her husband's placed together 
in the form of a lozenge. An unmarried 
woman uses her father's only. 



24 Manners. 



Ladies are not permitted, according to the 
laws of heraldry, to use crests in any way, 
either on note-paper, carriages, silver, etc. 
In England, if a lady's husband be a Knight 
of the Garter, or if he belong to any other 
order, his wife's arms must be placed on a 
separate shield and not joined to his. 

MOTTOES. — These were originally the 
battle-cries of the knights who fought in the 
far-off days of chivalry. 



COURTSHIPS AND WEDDINGS. 

Courtship. — Any thing that offends 
good taste in the matter of courtship, or 
that is conspicuous in the conduct of a be- 
trothed pair, is a breach of etiquette, — for 
instance, to make each other's sentiments 
public. 

Engagement. — When a gentleman feels 
that his relations with the lady he admires 



Manners. 25 



are such as to warrant his making an 
offer of marriage to her, it is more manly 
and straightforward for him to make the 
proposal verbally, than in writing. 

Engagement Ring. — After the engage- 
ment takes place it is usual for the gentle- 
man to give the lady a ring or bracelet as a 
token of the new relation existing between 
them. 

Asking the Parents' Permission. — It is 
decidedly better form for a gentleman to gain 
a parent's or guardian's consent before offer- 
ing himself to a young lady ; especially is it 
deemed necessary if he be in moderate cir- 
cumstances and the lady wealthy. 

ANNOUNCExMENT. — When the engagement 
is formally settled, the near relatives and 
most intimate friends are first informed by 
the mother or young lady herself. 

Dinner to Engaged Couples. — A din- 
ner is generally given by the parents, to 
whigh some of the relatives of both families 



26 Manners. 



are invited. Subsequent dinners are apt to 
be given by the relatives and intimate friends 
to the engaged couple. 

Visits. — The gentleman's parents, rela- 
tives, or friends call as speedily as possible 
upon the young lady and her parents or 
guardians. 

Selection of the Wedding Day.— 
This is usually done by the bride elect and 
her mother, and the arrangement for the 
the wedding, the trousseau or bridal outfit, 
the breakfast or reception, the choice of 
bridesmaids, the style of wedding, etc., are 
all left to the bride's taste. 

Brief Engagement. — Lately it has be- 
come the fashion to curtail the length of 
engagements, and unless there is a prospect 
of the marriage taking place within six 
months the announcement of the engage- 
ment had better not be made public. 
There may be as few as two bridesmaids 
and as many as twelve, but the most usual 



Manners. 27 



number is six. They are selected from the 
families of the bride and groom, and from 
the intimate friends of the bride, the first 
bridesmaid being the sister of the bride, or 
the most intimate unmarried friepd. Groom, 
best man and usher should dress according 
to the hour of the day, in the same fashion 
as though for any other entertainment, but 
they should be dressed as nearly alike as pos- 
sible. 

The Best Man is the choice of the groom- 
elect, usually his brother or most intimate 
friend. 

USHERS. — The ushers are selected by the 
gentleman, though the lady is generally 
consulted in the choice. Six is the num- 
ber ordinarily, and their duties are to show 
people to seats in the church, and to present 
the guests to the bride and groom at the 
wedding reception. The ushers walk up the 
church aisle first in pairs, then the brides- 
maids, followed by the bride on her fathers 



28 Manners. 



or guardian's arm. The groom enters the 
church through the vestry door, followed by 
his best man, who stands beside him during 
the ceremony, holds his hat, etc. 

At the Altar. — The wedding party 
should stand according to the positions 
decided upon by the wishes of the bride and 
groom. 

Music, Flowers, Etc. — All display must 
depend upon the style of the wedding de- 
sired. 

Costume. — The bride's costume is, as a 
rule, of white, either silk or satin, and a 
bridal-veil of lace or tulle is usually worn. 

Bridesmaids. — Their dresses should be 
light, pretty, and as nearly of uniform style 
as possible. Bonnets are often worn instead 
of veils. 

BOUQUETS. — The bride and bridesmaids 
usually carry bouquets, which are presented 
to them by the groom. 

Boutonnieres, — -The groom, best man, 



Manners. 2Q 



and ushers should all wear boutonnieres, or 
button-hole bouquets, made of some hand- 
some white flowers. 

PRESENTS. — The bride generally gives 
each of her bridesmaids some souvenir to 
wear on the wedding-day, and the groom 
presents his best man and the ushers with 
scarf-pins. 

Wedding Presents. — It is customary for 
the relatives and friends of the bride and 
groom to send presents to the former before 
the wedding-day. A card of the donor 
should accompany the gift. Presents are 
usually shown at the wedding reception. 
Sometimes the cards of the donors are left 
attached to the presents, but it is rapidly be- 
coming the fashion to take them off. The 
bride should never neglect to write a note 
of thanks, or to personally thank the friends 
who have kindly remembered her through 
their gifts. 



30 Manners. 



DEATH, FUNERALS, AND MOURN- 

ING. 

Notifying Relatives, Etc. — Immedi- 
ately after a death the relatives and intimate 
friends of the deceased should receive some 
notification of it. 

Undertaker. — An undertaker must at 
once be summoned, and all arrangements 
and details of the funeral are left to him. 
Notices should be inserted in one or more 
of the daily papers of the time and place of 
the funeral services, etc. 

Pall-Bearers. — Six or eight of the most 
intimate male friends of the person who has 
died are invited by the family to act as pall- 
bearers. On the day of the funeral they 
assemble at the house, and the undertaker 
provides each of them with black gloves and 
a mourner's scarf. They walk with their 
Jaeads uncovered, beside the coffin, up the 



Manners. 3 1 



aisle, if the services be held in church, and 
also escort the body to the grave. They 
usually sit in a front pew, reserved for their 
use, while the funeral services are being con- 
ducted. 

COFFIN. — This, if in perfect taste, should 
never be elaborate nor over-ornamented. A 
black cloth casket, with plain silver mount- 
ings, is preferable to any other. 

Hour of Funeral. — Any hour of the 
day between 9 A. M. and 5 P. M. is proper for 
the services to be held. 

Funeral in a House. — When this 
takes place, the clergyman usually stands as 
nearly in the midst of the people gathered 
as possible. The family remain seated to- 
gether, either in some back room or upstairs. 
They never come forward, and only the most 
intimate friends are at liberty to speak to 
them. 

Funeral in Church. — The nearest rel- 
atives follow directly behind the coffip 



32 Manners. 



upon entering the church, in a proper order 
of precedence. Very intimate friends come 
next, and all are seated together in pews re- 
served for them in the front of the church. 

Music. — This should be solemn and ap- 
propriate. 

Going to the Cemetery.— Should the 
immediate family of the deceased intend 
going to the cemetery, they should follow in 
carriages after the hearse. 

FLOWERS. — Frequently, now, flowers are 
not sent to houses of mourning as in former 
days, and in many of the funeral notices we 
read a request to this effect. However, 
whatever flowers are received are usually 
placed upon the coffin during the services, 
and afterwards carried to the cemetery to 
be laid on or a few laid in the grave. 

MOURNING. — The length of time for wear- 
ing mourning has greatly decreased during 
the past five years, as formerly there was 
such an exaggeration of this that sometimes 



Manners. t>$ 



young people in a family were kept in con- 
stant black, owing to the death of successive 
relatives. 

Style of Mourning. — For deep mourn- 
ing black stuff dresses, heavily trimmed with 
black crepe, and long crepe veils, are worn. 
During the second period the crepe is left 
off, and plain black alone is used ; and for 
half mourning light black, black silks, black 
and white, or costumes of mauve or grey, can 
be worn. 

Gentlemen's Mourning. — At first first 
plain black cheviot suits, with broad crepe 
bands on their hats, and black gloves. For 
the second period they cease to wear black 
clothes, varying these by dark suits of 
black and grey and the width of the crepe 
hat-band is narrowed. For half mourning 
the black hat-band is the one emblem of 
grief retained. 

Mourning for Husbands. — A widow 
should wear deep mourning for twelve 



34 Manners. 



months, plain black for the second year, and 
half mourning for six months. 

For Parents or Children. — Deep 
mourning for six months, plain black for six 
months, and half mourning for six months. 

For Grandparents. — Deep mourning 
for two months, plain black two months, and 
half mourning for two months. 

For Sisters and Brothers. — Deep 
mourning for three months, plain black six 
months, and half mourning three months. 

For Uncles and Aunts, Nephews and 
NIECES. — Plain black for three months. 

For Great Uncles and Aunts. — Plain 
black for two months. 

For Cousins (first only). — Plain black 
for six weeks. 

Mourning for Husband's or Wife's 
Relatives. — This should be worn long 
enough simply to show respect, unless some 
strong personal feeling is involved. 

Servants in Mourning. — It has now 



Manners. 35 



become customary for the coachman, groom, 
and upper house servants of a family to be 
put in mourning upon the death of either 
the master or mistress of the establishment. 
The coachman and groom should also wear 
black bands on their livery hats. 

Entertainments. — During the first pe- 
riod of mourning it is not considered be- 
coming to visit places of amusement or to 
enter social life or gaiety in any way. After 
a certain time elapses, say six months or a 
year, according to the depth of the mourn- 
ing, a person is at liberty to go out quietly 
to concerts, theatres, informal dinners, etc. 

Letters of Condolence. — It is cus- 
tomary to send a few words of sympathy to 
the family after a death has taken place. 
Such letters should be brief and written with 
real interest and affection, otherwise they 
had better be omitted. 

Note-Paper and Visiting-Cards. — Dur- 
a period of mourning, these should be edged 



$6 Manners. 



with a black border, the width of this to be 
determined by the depth and recency of the 
mourning. The very wide band is exagger- 
ated, ostentatious, and in bad form. 



DINNERS. 

Every one who dines may think his taste in 
the matter of serving a dinner the proper 
standard ; however, we shall confine our- 
selves to but one style of dinner, that served 
a la Russe, as this is the accepted fashion of 
the present day, and followed by the best 
society in New York, Boston, Philadelphia, 
and Washington, not to mention the large 
cities abroad. 

Hour for Dinner. — This varies, but is 
usually fixed no earlier than seven and no 
later than eight o'clock. 

Number of Guests.— The number should 



Manners. 37 



be small rather than large for a pleasant din- 
ner, eight or ten being a fair average. 

Choice of Guests. — Endeavor to select 
your guests with a sense of fitness, and see 
that they are well placed at the table. The 
conversation and the whole enjoyment of 
the dinner depends on this. People who 
are clever conversationalists are most desir- 
able guests. 

Late Comers. — The chances are that 
your guests will not all assemble until at 
least fifteen minutes after the hour named in 
your invitations. This tardiness is not now 
considered rude, as in the olden times, but is 
quite customary. 

Arrangements. — These should be about 
the same whether for six or twenty, though 
of course a few extra servants must be pro- 
cured and a few extra courses prepared for 
the larger number. 

Cards in Hall. — If the dinner is a large 
and formal one, a gentleman should receive 



38 Manners. 



an envelope before entering the drawing- 
room in which is a card bearing the name of 
the lady he is to take in to dinner. If he 
does not know the lady he should ask the 
hostess to present him to her. At small and 
informal dinners the hostess simply mentions 
to the gentleman the name of the lady he is 
to escort to the table. 

Cards at Table.— A card is generally- 
laid at each place giving the name of the 
guest who is to occupy it. This custom is 
also unnecessary at a small dinner. 

Menus, or bills of fare, are often placed 
before the guests at large dinners, but rarely 
at small ones. 

Announcement of Dinner. — When the 
guests have all arrived and the dinner is 
ready, the butler or waitress should enter the 
drawing-room and politely say to the lady of 
the house, " Dinner is served " ; then he or 
she should return to the dining-room and 
stand behind the hostess until she is seated, 



Manners. 



39 



Going to the Table. — The gentleman of 
the house must offer his right arm to the 
lady who has been selected as the important 
guest of the evening, and he should then 
proceed to the table, placing her on his right 
hand. The other guests then follow as be- 
fore indicated, and finally the hostess with 
the gentleman whom she wishes to honor, 
the latter sitting at her right. 

COURSES. — For an ordinary dinner the 
following are enough : 

First. — Oysters on the deep half shell, five 
or six for each person; if not the season for 
oysters then small clams served in the same 
way. All these should be very cold, and 
the clams are better if surrounded by cracked 
ice. A piece of lemon should be in the 
centre of each plate, and pepper and salt 
passed with this course. 

Second. — A soup. 

Third. — Fish, with which, if in season, 
cucumber salad should be served. 



40 Manners. 



Fourth. — An entree of some kind. 

Fifth. — Meat and vegetables. Two kinds 
of the latter always sufficient. 

Sixth. — A vegetable, such as asparagus, 
cauliflower, baked tomatoes, artichokes, or 
a small dish of some kind. 

Seventh. — Game and salad, or crackers, 
or cheese and salad. 

Eighth. — A sweet and cake. 

Ninth. — Fruit. 

Tenth. — Candies, etc. 

WINES: First. — Sherry, which must be 
very cold and decantered. This to be 
passed with the soup. If a white wine is to 
be served it should be given with the oysters 
and also very cold. This must not be de- 
cantered. 

Second. — Champagne, which should be 
packed in ice several hours before it is to be 
used. Serve it in the bottle with a napkin 
held round it to absorb the moisture. Cham- 
pagne is passed with the meat. 



Manners. 4 1 



Third. — Claret, which must be decantered 
and warm, and served with the game and 
salad. 

Fourth. — Madeira, also decantered but of 
its natural temperature, and passed with the 
dessert. 

Coffee. — After dinner, when the ladies 
have left the room and the gentlemen are 
preparing to smoke, coffee, without milk, is 
served and carried to the ladies in whichever 
room they may be. 

Liqueurs, Cognac, Cigars and Cigar- 
ettes. — After the ladies have left the din- 
ing-room the servants pass all these to the 
gentlemen who remain for a while to smoke. 
The liqueurs and cognac (brandy) can also be 
offered to the ladies. 

Mineral Waters. — These, such as apol- 
linaris, etc., can be passed at dinner, as some 
prefer a mineral to natural water. 

Glasses. — A glass suitable for each vari- 
ety of wine is put on the table, except the 



42- Manners. 



Madeira glasses, which are kept on a side 
table. When the crumbs, etc., are brushed 
off (with a napkin), and before the sweets are 
served, all the wine-glasses previously in use 
should be removed on trays and the Ma- 
deira glasses then set at the different places. 

Table Service. — In the center of the 
table should be either a dish of flowers or 
fruit. Ferns make a very attractive effect. 
There should be small dishes of candies, figs, 
prunes, crystallized ginger, etc. Olives or 
radishes, salted almonds, etc., should be put 
in pretty little dishes on the table. These 
with the silver, glass, sherry and claret de- 
canters, and carafes holding water, complete 
the decoration of the table. 

SERVICE.. — Every thing should be served 
from the side table and passed to each guest. 
This saves great confusion, and contributes 
more than any thing else to a comfortable 
dinner. 

Hot Plates. — Be careful to have warm 



Manners. 43 



food served on very hot plates. Cold plates 
will spoil the best dinner ever cooked ! 

BUTLER. — If two men or more are kept 
in the dining-room, the head man or butler 
should serve the wines exclusively. 

Finger Bowls. — These are put on with 
the dessert, half-filled with lukewarm water. 

Leaving the Table. — When the dinner 
is ended the hostess rises and prepares to 
leave the room, the other ladies following. 
It is better form for the gentlemen to escort 
the ladies to the drawing-room, returning 
afterward to smoke. After smoking they 
usually rejoin the ladies. 

Time of Leaving. — It is customary to 
remain three hours altogether in a house 
where you are dining. 

DINNERS AT RESTAURANTS. 

When a dinner is given at a public res- 
taurant, a table can be reserved in the pub- 



44 Manners. 



lie dining-room, or a private room can be 
engaged. 

Ordering of Dinner.— It is usual to 
order the dinner beforehand, so that there 
will be no needless delay in serving it when 
the guests arrive. 

Arrangement for Meeting. — If a lady 
gives the dinner it is better for the guests to 
meet at her house, so that they may all go 
together to the restaurant, but if an unmar- 
ried gentleman is the host he must appoint 
an hour for the party to meet him in the 
vestibule of the restaurant, and the lady who 
has consented to chaperone his dinner must 
be there very punctually in order to spare 
an unmarried lady the annoyance of arriving 
alone at a public place. 

Style of Dinner. — This must rest with 
the taste of the host or hostess, but it should 
resemble as nearly as possible a dinner in a 
private house, both in table appointments, 
variety of dishes, service, etc. 



Manners. 45 



Unmarried Ladies. — It is perfectly ad- 
missible for an unmarried lady to dine at a 
restaurant, provided she is properly chape- 
roned, 

Lunches and Breakfasts. — These, un- 
der above circumstances, are governed by 
the same rules as those given in regard to 
dinners. 

Ladies Alone. — Ladies can lunch or 
breakfast without gentlemen in respectable 
public restaurants, but two ladies should if 
possible be together, rather than that one 
should lunch or breakfast alone. 



FLOWERS. 

Sending Flowers to Ladies. — If a gen- 
tleman has asked a lady to dance a cotillon 
with him at some specified ball, it is custom- 
ary for him to send her a bouquet when the 
evening arrives on which he is to enjoy this 



46 Manners. 



pleasure. But should the lady request him 
not to remember her in this way, her wishes 
should be observed. 

Way of Sending. — The gentleman should 
go to some florist, leave the order for the 
kind of bouquet he intends to send, also his 
card in an envelope addressed to the lady, 
which envelope should accompany the 
flowers. 

Propriety of Sending Flowers. — Any 
gentleman, provided his acquaintance with 
the lady justifies him in supposing his at- 
tentions are not disagreeable to her, has the 
privilege of sending her offerings of flowers 
whenever he cares to do so. 

GARDEN OR LAWN PARTIES. 

This style of entertainment is simply an 
out-of-door reception. 

Refreshments. — These should consist of 
bouillon, salads, pate de foie gras sandwiches. 



Ala nners. 47 



salmon, mayonnaise, when in season, cakes, 
ices, tea, claret cup, champagne cup, and 
other summer beverages. These should be 
served on the piazzas, at small tables, or in a 
tent pitched somewhere on the lawn. 

Amusements. — The tennis-ground should 
be in good order, also archery tools at hand, 
and croquet. If there is any boating in 
the immediate neighborhood, the row-boats 
should be dry and ready for those who care 
to go on the water. 

Dancing. — If a platform be erected for 
the purpose, dancing is often indulged in. 

MUSIC. — A band of music is quite neces- 
sary to the proper enjoyment of a garden 
party. 

EVENING. — If a fete in the country is 
given at night, Chinese lanterns are much 
used ; and, hung around the piazzas and from 
the branches of the trees, produce a very 
brilliant and beautiful effect. 



43 Manners. 



INTRODUCTIONS. 

In England, visitors meeting in the same 
house are expected to enter into conversa- 
tion though no formal presentation has been 
made, and though no previous acquaintance 
has existed. In the United States, how- 
ever, the fashion of introducing people who 
meet as strangers still continues. 

PERMISSION. — When a lady and gentle- 
man are to be introduced, the lady's permis- 
sion should first be asked, unless the person 
making the introduction is quite sure that it 
will be agreeable to her, in which case the 
formality can be dispensed with. 

FORMULA.— The formula usually used is: 
" Mrs. Blank, may I/' or " allow me to pre- 
sent/' or " introduce, Mr. Smith/' 

Never reverse this order, and so introduce 
the lady to the gentleman. When the sexes 
are the same, present the person of the lesser 
to the one of the greater age or importance. 



Manners. 49 



Future Recognition. — Introductions 
do not necessitate future mutual recogni- 
tions, unless agreeable to the parties intro- 
duced. The ceremony is simply an oppor- 
tunity offered for present acquaintance, 
and can be ignored by one or both parties 
immediately after they leave the presence 
of the person who made the introduction. 

BOWING. — A gentleman should never bow 
to a lady when first meeting her after an 
introduction, until she gives him some sign 
of recognition, thus intimating her desire to 
continue the acquaintance. A gentleman 
should always return the bow, even though 
he may not care for the acquaintance. 

Shaking Hands. — Ladies and gentlemen 
must not shake hands with each other when 
introduced. A bow is a sufficient acknowl- 
edgment of the introduction. Persons of 
the same sex may or may not shake 
hands. 

Dislikes, etc.— A host or hostess is not 



50 Manners. 



supposed to be cognizant of differences that 
possibly exist between guests meeting in his 
or her rooms, therefore introductions are 
always permissible, even though distasteful 
to the parties introduced, and while the latter 
are under someone else's roof such differ- 
ances should be lost sight of by them. 

Introductions to a Chaperon. — If an 
unmarried lady is being chaperoned by an 
older or married lady, any gentleman speak- 
ing to her and unacquainted with the latter, 
should immediately be presented. In a pub- 
lic place of amusement, such as in an opera 
box, in the theatre, etc., this should always 
be done, but in a ball room or other large 
social gathering the ceremony may be set 
aside without any positive impropriety. 

INVITATIONS. 

Informal. — Those for a small event, for 
instance a dinner to which few guests only 



Manners. 5 i 



are expected, are usually written on note- 
paper, letter-form, and in the first person — 
Example : 

" Dear Mrs. Smith, 

" Will you and Mr. Smith give us 
the pleasure of your company — "etc. 

FORMAL. — Invitations to dinner are 
written in the third person, in this fash- 
ion : 

" Mr. and Mrs. Green request the pleasure 
of Mr. and Mrs. Brown's company on Thurs- 
day, May 9th, at seven o'clock. 

" 761 John Street. " 

Cards. — Sometimes a card is used, on 
which the above style of invitation is en- 
graved or written. 

R.S.V.P. — These initials are occasionally 
put in the right-hand lower corner of the 
card, and stand for the French, " Respondez, 
sil vous plait" or " Please reply/' How- 
ever, the use of this in a dinner invitation 
should hardly be necessary, as it is the 



5 2 Manners. 



height of ill-breeding not to answer it im- 
mediately. 

Meeting the Honored Guest. — If 
guests are asked to meet a distinguished 
gentleman or lady, this should be mentioned 
in the card of invitation, directly after the 
hour of dinner ; for instance : 

"at seven o'clock, to meet 

Mr. Sidney Rothschild, 
of London." 

Or an extra card may be inserted with the 
regular invitation, saying, " to meet Mr. — ," 
etc. 

To Balls, etc. — Formal invitations to 
evening entertainments are sent in the name 
of the lady of the house, either " Mrs. Green 
requests the pleasure, etc.," or — 

" Mrs. Green, 

At Home, 
Tuesday, May Ninth, at nine o'clock. 
761 John Street. Dancing (music, or what- 
ever the entertainment is to be, signified.)" 



Manners. 5 3 



The envelope with this kind of invi- 
tation is usually all that shows to whom it 
is addressed, as the name of the person in- 
vited rarely appears inside. R. S. V. P. is 
as a rule added to such general invitations 
as the above. 

Form of English Invitations.— The 
following is the style often used in England 
for invitations to garden-parties, etc : 
" Mr. and Mrs. Green 
request the pleasure of 

Mr. and Mrs. Fitzgerald's 
company at a garden party on Tuesday, 
May Ninth, at four o'clock. 

Collation at seven o'clock. 
Dancing 8 to 11. 
1 Wood Terrace. R. S. V. P." 

Afternoon Teas, etc. — The visiting 
card of the hostess, with simply " Tea at 
four o'clock,' and the date in the left-hand 
corner, is all that is necessary, or possibly 
"At home from four until seven." 



54 Maaners, 



Visiting Cards. — Invitations to small 
and rather informal entertainments can be 
written on a lady's visiting card with perfect 
propriety, though informal notes are more 
customary. 

Different Members of a Family. — The 
daughter or daughters' names frequently are 
placed after the parents', on a card of invita- 
tion, but a son should receive a separate card 
always. 

" The Misses." — When there are several 
sisters in a family addressed in this fashion 
it is usually understood that not more than 
two of them will avail themselves of the in- 
vitation. 

In the Country. — Invitations for any 
general entertainment sent to a country 
house where guests are stopping are as a 
rule addressed to " Mr. and Mrs. Green, and 
party," this invitation including the sons and 
daughters of the house as well as the visitors. 

To Weddings. — Invitations to weddings 



Manners. 55 



are issued in the name of the bride's parents, 
or, if both are dead, in the name of a near 
relative or guardian. Paper without crest 
or monogram is considered the best to use so 
far as good taste is concerned. The accept- 
ed form is as follows : 

" Mr. and Mrs. Green 
request the pleasure ( or honor ) of your com- 
pany at the marriage of their daughter 
Catherine Louise 
to 
Mr. Sidney Henry Smith, 
at St. John's Church, on Tuesday, May Ninth, 
at twelve o'clock." 
RECEPTION. — Separate cards are sent if 
the wedding ceremony is to be followed by 
a reception at the parents' residence, the 
formula used, " Mr. and Mrs. Smith at home, 
etc." 

To Avoid Confusion at the Church, a 
small card is sometimes enclosed with the 
invitation, on which the name of the church 



56 Manners. 



and the hour for the ceremony are printed. 
Such cards must be presented at the door, 
in order that, to avoid a crowd, only such 
friends who have really received invitations 
to the wedding may be comfortably seated. 

Acceptances. — Notes of acceptance or 
regret should be written briefly yet cour- 
teously, and in the same person as that in 
which the invitation to be answered has been 
sent, either " Dear Mrs. Green, It gives me 
great pleasure, etc.," or " Mr. and Mrs. 
Brown accept with pleasure Mr. and Mrs. 
Green's very kind invitation for Tuesday 
evening, etc." In writing or answering invi- 
tations, or even letters, it is considered bad 
form to use numerical figures instead of 
writing the numbers out. Invitations 
should always be answered in the present 
tense. 

Invitations on a Visiting Card to a 
general entertainment require no answer, 
unless such be particularly requested. 



Manners. 57 



REGRETS. — In declining an invitation, a 
polite excuse for absence should always be 
given. For instance : — 

" Mr. and Mrs. Brown regret extremely 
that a previous engagement prevents them 
from accepting Mr. and Mrs. Green's kind 
invitation to dinner Tuesday, etc."; or, what- 
ever the reason may be, endeavor to express 
it politely in the note sent in reply. 

Dinner Invitations. — In answering 
these, particularly the day, date, and hour 
named should be repeated in the answer, to 
avoid possible confusion. Invitations of any 
kind, requiring answers, should receive im- 
mediate attention. 

LUNCH. 

This meal is served between 12.30 and 
I.30. It is as informal as the ordinary 
breakfast, and served very much the same 
way ; but formal lunches, to which a number 



58 Manners. 



of guests are invited, are made more elab- 
orate, and, like dinners, served in several 
courses. 

Courses. — For such courses, bouillon in 
cups designed for the purpose is usually 
passed first, unless preceded by raw oysters ; 
then follow an entree, chops with one or 
two vegetables, game or chicken, and salad, 
sweets, candies, fruits, etc., coffee, chocolate, 
tea. Wines are served with the meats. 

Table Service. — The table is arranged 
as at dinner, very nearly, with the exception 
that a tea tray can be placed in front of the 
hostess, so that she may pour out tea during 
the meal as at breakfast. 

Coffee. — Black coffee is usually served 
after luncheon. 

LETTER WRITING. 

Express your thoughts in simple English 
and in legible writing. The latter should 



Manners. 5 9 



be clear and bold. Never write carelessly 
or hurriedly ; read the letter over before 
sending; and, if writing more than one let- 
ter at a time, be cautious that such are not 
put in the wrong envelopes. Great atten- 
tion should be paid to correct punctuation. 

Writing Material. — The shape and 
size of paper and envelopes are not so 
important as the quality. They should be 
plain white, with no colored border (except 
the black border when in mourning), and of 
substantial texture. The address of the 
writer is now printed neatly at the head of 
the sheet, in preference, as a rule, to other 
ornament. 

In England. — Among the titled aris- 
tocracy colored edges to paper are often 
common ; however, in our country, such 
styles are most unfashionable. 

Pens and Ink.— Black ink of the best qual- 
ity should be used, and the pen chosen to suit 
the individual style of handwriting. Those 



60 Marnier s. 



who avoid gaudy or elaborate display in 
writing materials prove their good taste. 

COATS-OF-ARMS, CRESTS, AND MONO- 
GRAMS. — These, if used at all, should be 
printed as simply as possible, and in one color. 

NOTES are letters in brief, and are com- 
monly used for business purposes or for 
some trifling communication between 
friends. Written in the third person, they 
are sent in the form of invitations. 

How to Begin and How to End a 
Letter. — No rule is laid down for this 
between intimate friends or relations. The 
etiquette of letter-writing should only be 
considered between strangers or slight 
acquaintances. In these cases it is well to 
preserve a mean between cold formality and 
familiarity. 

The Conventional Forms are "Sir," 
" Dear Sir," " My Dear Sir," or " Ma- 
dam," "Dear Madam," or " My Dear 
Madam." Either of these can be used, but 



Manners. 6 1 



to a total stranger " My Dear Sir " is a trifle 
too cordial, and to an acquaintance " Sir "is 
too formal, unless coldness and distance are 
intended to be conveyed. When writing to 
persons, though strangers, of your own social 
class, use " Dear Sir," or " Dear Madam," 
rather than " Sir" or " Madam." 

Ending a Letter. — Here there are 
various degrees of civility, — " Truly yours," 
or " Yours truly," " Faithfully yours," 
" Respectfully yours," etc. " Yours, etc.," is 
a senseless ending to any letter or note. In 
writing to those whom you know well 
enough to address as " My Dear Mrs. 
Jones," the letter can end " Sincerely yours," 
" Very sincerely yours," " Your sincere 
friend," " cordially yours," or even " Affec- 
tionately yours." 

Lady's Signature. — A married lady 
should not sign herself " Mrs." or an unmar- 
ried lady " Miss," though in writing to a 
stranger who will not know how to address 



62 Manners. 



a reply the name in full should be signed ; 
for instance : " Mrs. Caroline Bell," or 
" Miss Emily Blake/' the title thus (Mrs.) 

Style of Address. — Letters to married 
ladies should be addressed with the initials 
or names of the husband, " Mrs John P. 
Smith," etc.. Widows and unmarried ladies 
should only be addressed with their christian 
names, " Mrs. Mary Smith " or " Miss Fanny 
Jones." The eldest daughter or unmarried 
lady of the family should be addressed 
" Miss " simply, the christian name being 
omitted. " Mr." and " Esq." cannot be used 
simultaneously. A letter must be addressed 
either like the following examples, to " Mr. 
R. H. Smith" or to " R. H. Smith, Esq." 
The first form, however, is usually reserved 
for tradespeople, etc., the latter being adopted 
between people of the same social class. 
When a letter is addressed to the Hon. 
James Blank, the " Esq." must not fol- 



low, 



Mariner j, 63 



P.S. — Avoid postscripts and the crossing 
of letters. 

Form of Formal Letter. — When a 
note is commenced "Sir" or " Dear Sir/' it 
is usual to write the name of the person 
addressed at the end of the letter or note in 
the left-hand corner, or it may be put 
before the commencement ; for instance, 
" To R. H. Smith, Esq.," but in this case it 
must not be repeated at the bottom. 

Jr. — A son of the same name as his 
father is addressed in this way : " R. H. Smith, 
Jr., Esq." 

To A SERVANT.— Letters or notes to 
servants usually begin with the servant's 
name, and then the directions follow in the 
third person ; example : " To Mary Smith : 
Mrs. Brown will return home on Saturday 
next, etc." 

Address a Clergyman " Reverend 
Sir" or "Dear Sir," and the envelope 



64 Manners. 



directed to " Rev John Blank "; or if the 
initial is not known, to " Rev. Blank." 

Address a Doctor of Divinity " To 
the Rev. John Hall, D.D.," or the " Rev. 
Dr. Hall." 

Address a Doctor of Medicine " J. B. 
Blank, Esq., M.D.," or " Doctor J. B. 
Blank," or " Dr. Blank." 

Address a Bishop "To the Right Rev. 

the Bishop of , or " To the Right 

Rev. H. C. Potter, D.D., Bishop of , and 

begin the letter" Right Rev. Sir," or " Right 
Rev. and Dear Sir," 

Address Foreign Ministers as " His 
Excellency and Honorable. " 

Addressing Persons of Political 
Rank in the United States — Letters 
to the President. — These should be 
addressed " To His Excellency, the President 
of the United States," or as " President of 
the United States." 

To the Cabinet Officers. — "To the 



Manners. 65 



Honorable J. C. Blank, Secretary of State/' 

or " To the Hon. , the Secretary of the 

Treasury," or " To the Hon. , the Secre- 
tary of War," or " To the Hon. , the 

Secretary of the Navy," or "To theHon. , 

the Secretary of the Interior," or " To the 

Hon. , the Postmaster General," or " To 

the Hon. , the Attorney-General." 

To Senators.— Address simply " To the 
Hon. :." 

To Members of Congress. — Also 
address " To the Hon. — — -." 

Rules for Addressing English Roy- 
alty and Persons of Rank. 

As it often very convenient for an Amer- 
ican abroad to know the English style of ad- 
dress we append the following: 

To Her Majesty. — Send to whomsoever 
has the charge of her private correspondence 
the enclosure directed " To Her Majesty the 
Queen," but official letters " To the Queen's 



66 Manners. 



Most Excellent Majesty." They should com- 
mence " Madam," " Most Gracious Sover- 
eign " or " May it please your Majesty." They 
should end " I have the honor to remain 
with the profoundest respect, Madam, Your 
Majesty's most faithful servant (or subject)." 

To the Prince or Princess of Wales. 
— Letters should be enclosed to the one in 
charge of their correspondence and addressed 
" To His Royal Highness the Prince of 
Wales," or "To Her Royal Highness, the 
Princess of Wales." They should begin 
" Sir" or " Madam," and end " I have the 
honor to remain, Sir (or Madam), your Royal 
Highness's most faithful and most obedient 
servant." 

To Other Members of the Royal 
FAMILY. — Above formula, with the slight 
alteration of title, is the one used. 

Royal Highness.— Reserved for the 
sons, daughters, uncles, and aunts of the 
Queen. 



ERRATA. 

Page 67. — Read " Your Royal Highness," 
instead of " Your Highness." 

Page 68.— Omit " Esq." after " The Hon." 



Manners. 67 



Your Highness.— Reserved for the 
nephews and cousins of the Queen. 

To a Duke or Duchess. — If not mem- 
bers of the Royal Family, address " To His 
Grace, the Duke of — — , or " To Her Grace, 
the Duchess of — — . They should begin 
" My Lord Duke " or " Madam/' 

To a Marquis or Marchioness. — 
Address " To the Most Hon. the Marquis 

(or the Marchioness) of . Begin " My 

Lord Marquis" or %i Madam." 

To an Earl or Countess. — Address 
"To the Right Hon. the Earl (or Countess) 
of . Begin " My Lord " or " Madam." 

To a Viscount or Viscountess. — 
Address " The Right Hon. the Viscount 
(or Viscountess) of • . Begin " My Lord " 
or " Madam." 

To a Baron or Baroness. — Address 

"The Right Hon. the Lord (or Lady) . 

Begin " My Lord " or " Madam." 

To the Younger Sons of Earls, to all 



68 Manners. 



the Sons of Viscounts and Barons. — 
Address " The Hon. , Esq. Should be- 
gin " Sir." 

To an Archbishop.— Address M His 
Grace, the Archbishop of — — . Begin " My 
Lord Archbishop." 

To Ambassadors.— Begin " My Lord," 
and wherever the ordinary pronoun you 
would be used, supply instead " Your 
Excellency." 

To A Baronet.— Address " Sir William 
, Bart/' 

To a Knight.— Address simply " Sir 
William ." 

To JUDGES. — Address as M Right Honor- 
able." 

To a Consul.— Address "To , Esq., 

Consul to Her Britannic Majesty." 

Widows of Peers. —When the successors 
to the title are married they are addressed 
as " Her Grace, the Duchess Dowager 
of , etc." 



Manners. 69 



Intimate Address.— If you are on 
sufficiently intimate terms with persons of 
rank to to discard formalities, you can begin 

a letter u My dear Duke of ," or M My 

dear Duke," and so on with the inferior 
titles. 



LETTERS OF INTRODUCTION. 

Never give a letter of introduction unless 
you thoroughly understand the character 
and manners of the person to whom you 
write the letter and also of the person whom 
the letter introduces. 

CONTEXTS. — The letter should contain 
the name of the person introduced, as well 
as the city or country he came from, also his 
profession, business, etc. Letters of intro- 
duction (unless sent by mail) should be 
delivered, unsealed, by the writer of the 
letter to the bearer of the introduction, and 



70 Manners. 



should be closed by the latter before delivery* 
If purely a business introduction and one 
which can be delivered personally, it may 
remain unsealed. 

How to Deliver Letters of Introduc- 
tion. — The bearer of a letter of introduc- 
tion should leave it at the house of the 
person to whom it is addressed, together 
with a card on which should be written 
his address. He should then do nothing 
further until the person whose acquaintance 
he has sought calls upon him, or sends him 
some card or note of invitation. 

Those who Receive Letters of In- 
troduction should within twenty-four 
hours, if possible, take some kindly notice 
of the letter by a call or an invitation. 

NEW YEAR'S DAY. 

Formerly it was the general custom for 
ladies to remain at home on the first day of 



Manners. 7 1 



January in order to receive the gentlemen 
who then made a habit of calling, but the 
fashion has slowly, yet surely, fallen into 
disuse, owing to the size of the city and 
society, so that now the nicest people rarely 
keep up any observance of the day. In 
small towns, however, and country districts 
the old-fashioned New Year's may still be 
popular. 

OUT-OF-DOOR SPORTS. 

The etiquette, when taking part in sports, 
such as hunting, shooting, fishing, etc., is 
quickly learned by those interested in them. 
For instance, any man chosen to be master 
of the hounds would be one who had had 
such experience in the hunting-field that 
the duties attending his new position would 
be easily understood by him. 

Hunt (or Meet) Breakfasts. — It is 
customary in such sections of the country 



7 2 Maimers, 



where hounds meet, for any of the residents 
caring for the sport to give a breakfast dur- 
ing the season to the master of the hounds 
and to all comers. Such a breakfast is a 
most informal affair, and the food should be 
the same as would be offered at a similar 
morning entertainment. 

Tennis Clubs, Rowing, Racing, and 
other Athletic Associations. — Each 
and all of these usually have clearly defined 
rules and regulations which should be care- 
fully read by any one wishing to connect 
himself or herself with them. 



PICNICS. 

If one person gives a picnic he must pro- 
vide every thing, the modes of conveyance 
to the place selected, the refreshments, en- 
tertainment, etc., but if several join in this 
the labor and expense should be equally 
divided. 



Manners. 73 



Refreshments. — They consist chiefly of 
cold dishes, such as meats, boned turkey, 
game, pates, sandwiches, salads, cakes, 
jellies, pies, etc., punch, lemonade, claret, 
and champagne. Hot dishes are sometimes 
served, prepared at a neighboring house. 

Contributions. — Often picnics are so 
arranged that each lady attending furnishes 
a dish of some kind, and in this way all the 
refreshments can be provided without any 
difficulty. 

DANCING. — Sometimes a wooden platform 
is erected, and dancing is the chief amuse- 
ment after eating. 

Length of Time. — A picnic generally 
lasts from about noon until twilight, and the 
best season of the year is when it is pleasant 
to be out-of-doors. 

China, Glass, etc. — Sufficient of these 
should always be carried to a picnic, though 
they should be of a plain and inexpensive 
kind for fear of breakage. 



74 Manners. 



ETIQUETTE AND PRECEDENCE 
IN WASHINGTON. 

The President.— He should be address- 
ed in conversation as " Mr. President " or 
" Sir." Precedence is given to him every- 
where by virtue of his exalted position. 

Invitations. — No invitation received 
from the President should be declined un- 
less through imperative necessity, and other 
engagements of a social nature should be 
broken in order to admit of an acceptance. 

The Second Place of Importance.— 
Both the Chief-Justice and the Vice-Presi- 
dent claim the second place in point of 
precedence. 

The Fourth Place. — The Speaker of 
the House ranks next; 

The Cabinet. — The order observed is 
the State, the Treasury, the War, the Navy, 



Manners. 75 



the General Post-office, the Interior, and 
the Department of Justice. 

Cabinet Officers versus Senators.— 
The long-contested point is gradually being 
settled that the former shall pay the first 
visits. 

Diplomatic Body. — Their families by 
courtesy should be called upon as strangers 
upon arrival. The foreign Ministers, how- 
ever, usually make themselves known to the 
Cabinet by calling upon them directly after 
they arrive. 

House of Representatives. — Members 
of this body and their families are expected 
to make the first visit upon all those stand- 
ing in high official position, but private 
citizens must first call upon them. 

Heads of These Departments. — THey 
are each addressed as Mr. " Secretary." 

In Addressing Officials.— Vice-Presi- 
dent as " Mr. Vice-President." 

Chief-Justice as " Mr. Chief-Justice." 



76 Manners. 



Senators as " Mr. Senator/* 

Receptions. — During the social season 
in Washington the Cabinet, Senators, and 
Justices of the Supreme Court of the United 
States have regular days upon which any 
one, whether personally known to them or 
not, is at liberty to call. 

The White House, or Executive 
MANSION, is the residence of the Presi- 
dent, and on certain occasions, which are 
duly announced, its doors are thrown open 
to the general public. 



PRECEDENCE IN ENGLAND. 

Among peers or peeresses of the same 
rank precedence depends upon the date of 
creation. 

Titles of Courtesy.— Eldest sons of 
Dukes, Marquises, and Earls are always 
called by one of their fathers second titles. 



Maimers. 7 7 



Eldest Sons of a Duke rank after 
Marquises and before Earls. 

Of a Marquis. — After younger sons of 
the Blood Royal and before the younger 
sons of Dukes, and before Viscounts. 

Of an Earl. — After Viscounts and before 
the younger sons of Marquises and Bishops. 

Of a Viscount. — Who has no courtesy 
title but is simply called Honorable, after 
Barons and before Earls* younger sons. 

Of a Baron.— Styled Honorable, after 
Earls' younger sons and before Privy Coun- 
cillors and Judges, 

Precedence of Wives.— Wives rank the 
same as their husbands. 

Younger Sons of Dukes and Mar- 
QUISES are addressed as Lords, but the 
Christian name must never be omitted ; thus, 
11 Lord Cecil Baltimore, and not " Lord 
Baltimore/' 

Younger Sons of Dukes rank after the 
eldest sons of Marquises and Viscounts. 



73 Mariners, 



Younger Sons of Marquises rank after 
eldest sons of Earls. 

Younger Sons of Earls. — After eldest 
sons of Viscounts, and before eldest sons 
of Barons. 

Younger Sons of Viscounts. — After 
Privy Councillors and Judges. 

Younger Sons of Barons. — Before 
Baronets. 

BARONETS. — They take rank in order of 
their creation. 

Knights. — They follow according to 
order. 

Daughters of a House usually enjoy 
the same rank as the eldest brother, and 
follow directly after his wife. 

Daughters of Dukes, Marquises, and 
EARLS are styled " Ladies," but with the 
use of the Christian name always; for in- 
stance, the "Lady Gladys Herbert, " not 
" Lady Herbert." 



Manners. 79 



PRESENTATION AT COURT IN 
ENGLAND. 

Ladies and gentlemen who wish to be pre- 
sented can only have this privilege through 
some acquaintance who has already been 
presented at Court, and it is necessary that 
the lady who presents another shall attend 
the same drawing-room. Foreigners are pre- 
sented through their country's representa- 
tive. 

DRAWING-ROOM is the name given to 
a court reception, held by the Queen or the 
Princess of Wales. 

Application.— At least two days before 
the drawing-room to which admission is 
desired, a lady wishing to introduce a friend 
must legibly write on a card her name and 
that of the lady she is to present ; for in- 
stance, " Miss Brown, presented by Lady 
Blake "; and this card must be left in the 



8o Manners. 



Lord Chamberlain's office, in St. James's 
Palace. Should an American wish to be 
presented through the Legation, the Minis- 
ter or charge d 'affaires must notify the Lord 
Chamberlain that the presentation is to take 
place on a named date, through either the 
general or diplomatic body. The other de- 
tails connected with such a presentation can 
easily be ascertained at the offices of the 
Legation. 

Submitted for Approval. — These 
names are submitted to her Majesty for ap- 
proval, and forty-eight hours afterwards the 
lady, by sending to the office, will receive 
two pink or presentation cards, which are to 
be used according to the following com- 
mand : 
" By her Majesty's command, — 

" The ladies who purpose to attend her 
Majesty's Drawing-Room, at Buckingham 
Palace, are requested to bring with them 
two large cards, with the names clearly writ- 



Manners. 8 1 



ten thereon ; one to be left with the Queen's 
page in attendance in the corridor, and the 
other to be delivered to the Lord Chamber- 
lain, who will announce the name to the 
Queen." 

Gentlemen. — It is not customary for 
gentlemen to attend the court receptions 
unless as attendants upon the ladies of their 
family ; however, should they do so, the 
same rules apply to the method of their ap- 
plication and presentation as refer to the 
other sex. 

HOUR. — The State Apartments are open 
at 2 P. M., and the Queen enters them at 3 
o'clock. 

Princess of Wales. — Should the Queen 
be indisposed or tired, the Princess of Wales 
takes her place, but in this case the ceremony 
of hand-kissing is omitted. 

Leaving the Carriage. — All wraps and 
cloaks are left in the carriage upon arrival at 
the Palace, and the train of the court dress 



82 Manners. 



is thrown over the left arm. When the 
lady's turn for presentation comes she enters 
the Presence Chamber or Throne Room, and 
lets fall her train, which is arranged by a 
lord-in-waiting. 

The Presentation.— The Lord Cham- 
berlain then reads the name on the card 
which has been handed to him, aloud to the 
Queen. 

Ceremony. — The lady advances and bows 
very low, extending her right hand, palm 
downwards, and the Queen places her hand 
upon it, which the lady kisses. The pres- 
entation now being over, the lady passes on, 
keeping her face turned to the Queen until 
beyond the door of the Presence Chamber. 
In the mean while she must not omit to 
courtesy to any of the royal family who may 
be present. 

Gentlemen Kneel on one knee when 
kissing the royal hand. 

Ladies' Dress. — Full dress only is per. 



Manners. 8$ 



mitted, unless a certificate from a medical 
man is forwarded to the Lord Chamberlain, 
giving satisfactory reasons why a lady should 
not wear a low bodice. The dress consists 
of a low bodice without sleeves, a train of 
from three to four yards in length, and a 
head-dress of feathers (white are preferred) 
and lappets, with whatever ornaments and 
other appointments of a grand toilet that 
the wearer may select. 

Gentlemen's Dress. — Coat and knee 
breeches of plum-colored cloth with steel 
buttons, white embroidered waistcoat, frilled 
shirt, pink silk stockings, shoes with diamond 
or steel buckles, a sword hung at the side by 
a steel chain fastened to the hilt, and finally, 
a cocked hat carried under the arm or in the 
left hand. Another costume permitted is as 
follows : A black silk velvet coat, breeches 
and waistcoat, ornamented with gold or sil- 
ver buttons, and the other details of toilet 
to correspond ; or another costume worn 



84 Manners. 



consists of a mulberry or blue coat, gilt lace 
trimmings, white waistcoat and shirt without 
frills. When presented Americans must 
conform to all the above rules and fashions. 
Naval or Military Officers and 
Church Dignitaries appear in their own 
uniforms and robes. 



PRIVATE THEATRICALS, 

Also Tableaux Vivants, provide an enter- 
tainment which is daily growing in popular- 
ity both in England and our own country. 
Sometimes a stage is erected in a private 
house, but more frequently small theatres 
are engaged, where the performance takes 
place. 

COACHING. — Instruction, or " coaching/' 
is as a rule given to the amateur performers 
by some professional manager, actor, or act- 
ress engaged for the occasion. 



Manners. 85 



Rehearsals. — These are necessary and 
must be frequent to insure any success. 

TABLEAUX. — For tableaux it is better to 
have the advice and taste of some clever 
artist, as the beauty and interest of the 
human pictures depend so largely upon the 
posing and drapery of the figures, to say 
nothing of the effect of the lights and the 
choice of colors. 



RECEPTIONS. 

A similarity has grown between " at 
homes " or receptions and "afternoon teas," 
the former frequently taking place about 
the same hour, and the general character of 
the invitations and entertainments being 
the same. 

CARDS. — For a reception to be held either 
in the afternoon or evening, the form of in- 



86 Manners. 



vitation is usually an engraved card as fol- 
lows : 

Mrs. Blank. 

Miss Blank. (If there is a 
daughter in society.) 

At Home, 

Wednesday, December Eighth, from four 
until seven o'clock. 
203 Madison Place. 

Answers. — No answer need be sent to 
such an invitation, unless on the bottom of 
the cards an answer is particularly requested, 
which is not the case as a rule. 

Entering and Leaving. — It is necessary 
to speak to the host and hostess immedi- 
ately upon entering the room, but owing to 
the constantly moving crowd it is not essen- 
tial that guests should again address the 
host and hostess when they are about to 
leave. 

Length of Visit. — This can vary from 
five minutes to an hour at an afternoon re- 



Manners. 87 



ception, but at an evening reception the 
time is usually more extended. 

MUSIC. — For a reception music is desira- 
ble, as it adds greater brilliancy to the en- 
tertainment. 

REFRESHMENTS. — In the afternoon bouil- 
lon, salad, sandwiches, cake, ices, chocolate, 
and tea are provided, but for an evening 
reception something more substantial must 
be provided, similar to a supper. Cham- 
pagne and punch are generally served 
also. 

Awning. — If the weather is not fair an 
awning should be put up, but if the day is 
good then only a carpet is necessary, laid 
down the stoop and across the sidewalk to 
the curbstone. 

SUPPERS. 

Supper, as a rule, is similar to dinner, and 
unless served at a ball or as a part of some 



88 Manner 



other entertainment has very much the 
character of that meal. After the theater 
or opera, people frequently indulge in some 
refreshment which may or may not be dig- 
nified by the name of supper. 



TEAS. 

There are two styles of entertainment 
under the general name teas — high teas and 
afternoon teas. 

HIGH. — The first is a meal taking the 
place of a dinner, at which hot meats, cakes, 
warm breads, preserves and other sweets are 
served. Such teas are more popular in the 
country than in town. 

Afternoon. — In many households it is 
the custom about five o'clock to have a tray 
brought in to the mistress of the house and 
placed before her on a small table. On this 
tray should be a tea-service, cups, saucers, 



Manners. 89 



etc. She herself then makes the tea, pours 
it out, and passes it to whatever visitors may 
be with her at the moment. The servant 
brings in thin slices of bread and butter, 
cake, and perhaps English muffins, which 
are usually served with the cup of tea at 
this time. Afternoon teas resembling recep- 
tions can also be given, but these come 
more under the head of large and general 
entertainments. 

The entertainment at a " tea " ought 
to be simple, and the visiting cards of the 
hostess are used for the invitations, on 
which should be written, upon the lower 
left-hand corner and opposite the address, 
the words, " Tea at four o'clock,'' following 
the day and the date. 



go Manners. 



THEATRE PARTIES. 

Whoever gives a theatre party invites an 
equal number of ladies and gentlemen, a 
proper chaperon of course being provided. 
If the party are to dine together before go- 
ing to the play, half-past six is usually the 
hour appointed, whether the dinner is to take 
place in a private house or in a restaurant. 
If there is to be no dinner, some house is 
selected where the guests assemble at a 
quarter before eight as a rule. 

The Opera. — It is customary, when you 
invite married people or gentlemen to the 
opera, to send them their tickets so that 
they may join you at the opera, unless for 
some reason you wish to go with them. 
Unmarried ladies are usually asked to dine 
by their friends and to go with them from 
their home. Suppers are rarely given after 



Manners. 91 



the opera, owing to the lateness of the 
hour. 

Carriages. — These, or an omnibus hired 
for the occasion, are provided to take the 
party to and from the place of amusement. 

SUPPER. — If the party did not dine to- 
gether, then it is customary for the host or 
hostess to give the guests a supper some- 
where. 

Duty of the Chaperon.— It is the duty 
of the chaperon to see the unmarried ladies 
safely home. 

TOILET FOR LADIES. 

Morning. — In the winter, nothing is more 
suitable than cloth or serge dresses. In 
summer, simple cotton frocks of some kind 
are the most desirable. 

Afternoon. — In winter, if walking, hand- 
some cloth costumes or plainly trimmed 
dresses of velvet and silk, dark colors of 



92 Manners. 



course. If dining, then more elaborate 
toilets are worn, but they should always be 
short and of not too glaring tints. In sum- 
mer, white or black lace gowns, pretty mus- 
lins, thin silks, or in fact any thing that is 
graceful and becoming is permissible in the 
country. 

Receptions or Teas before Seven 
O'CLOCK. — Ladies can wear handsome cos- 
tumes to receptions, but always with a bon- 
net or hat, unless they are receiving with 
the hostess, in which case a simple dinner 
dress or half-toilet is appropriate. 

LOW BODICES are only to be worn for 
full dress at formal dinners, in the boxes at 
the opera, or at large evening entertain- 
ments, but never before half-past six 
o'clock under any circumstances in this 
country. 

Tennis Dresses. — These should be made 
of flannel, serge, or any strong material. 
No trimmings except of the most severe kind 



Manners, 



93 



are proper. White and striped flannels are 
most popular. 

Yachting Costumes should be of dark 
blue, or blue and white flannel, or serge, 
usually. 

Dinner Gown. — This dress gives great 
scope for the exercise of individual taste 
and can be simple or elaborate, according to 
the size of the dinner at which it is to be 
worn. 

Peignoirs or Wrappers. — These should 
never be worn by a lady outside of her own 
apartments. 

Matinees. — These are peignoirs more 
elaborately and becomingly made, and can 
be worn by a lady at her own breakfast- 
table, but never elsewhere. 

Tea GOWNS are fancy loose dresses of 
silk and lace, or velvet, etc., and worn by a 
lady at five-o'clock tea at home, a gown 
which for the moment takes the place of the 
street costume she has laid off and the 



94 Manners. 



dinner dress she so soon expects to put 
on. 

Brides. — They are dressed in white, as a 
rule, and it is according to the time of day of 
the ceremony that the style of dress must be 
determined upon. 

BRIDESMAIDS. — Their dresses are usually 
selected by the bride ; hence individual taste 
is seldom consulted. 

Debutantes at Balls. — Nothing is more 
suitable for young girls in their first season 
than ball dresses of white tulle. White should 
be worn in preference to any color, unless 
pale blue or pink. Young girls' dresses should 
always be simply made. 

Neatness.— Excessive neatness cannot be 
too much urged in a lady's toilet. The 
smallest and most refined detail should re- 
ceive her attention. If she is not fortunate 
in having a maid to look after the cleanli- 
ness of her laces, the freshness of her linen 
and ruffiings, the spotlessness of her dress 



Manners. 95 



facings, or to see that no buttons are missing 
from her waists, gloves, and shoes, then all 
these things should be attended to by her- 
self, so that her toilet lacks nothing that 
would add perfection to it. No woman who 
is slovenly and indifferent about these details 
can hope to escape severe criticism. 



TOILET FOR GENTLEMEN. 

Morning. — Sack coats or cut-aways can 
be worn with tweed or any rough cloth trou- 
sers and waistcoat, the weight and color to be 
heavy or light according to the season. 

Three to Six-thirty P. M. — Sack coats 
or business suits should not be worn, but 
cut-away or frock coats. 

After Six-thirty. — As the hour for din- 
ner approaches dress suits should be worn 
with white ties, whether the evening is to be 
passed at home quietly, or at some enter-. 



g6 Manners. 



tainment. After the dinner hour a gentle- 
man in evening dress can go anywhere with 
propriety. 

Out OF Town. — In the country rough 
tweed suits, fancy flannels, and any kind of 
hats may be worn, unless the gentleman is 
going to some specified social entertainment, 
in which event he should dress very much as 
he would in the city for a similar occasion. 

Coaching. — When men go on coaching 
parties they should wear English coaching 
suits, with tall hats of black or gray, accord- 
ing to the style of suit. Such suits can also 
be worn at races, when railroads have not 
been the mode of conveyance, but when 
the wearer has been driven to the race 
course. 

Hunting. — Pink coats and corduroy waist- 
coats and breeches, and boots, with tall hats, 
are popular costumes for the hunting field, 
though men ride in our best hunts in simpler 
and less pretentious apparel. 



Manners. 97 



White Waistcoats are worn with dress 
suits, also black embroidered ones. 

Silk Hats or Beavers should never 
be worn with sack coats or business suits. A 
hard hat, or " billycock/' is equally inappro- 
priate in the city in the afternoon or even- 
ing. 

Opera Hats. — Crush hats are no longer 
carried or used, though the fashion may be 
changed at any moment. 

Gloves. — Tan-colored dog-skin gloves for 
the street, and white or pearl, stitched heav- 
ily on the back, for the evening. Gentlemen 
should wear light gloves at the opera, or any 
evening entertainment. 

NEATNESS. — The same care should be ex- 
ercised by a gentleman in his toilet as by a 
lady, and spotless linen is most essential. 

SHOES. — Patent leather and calf shoes, 
either low or high, for the street, and in the 
evening patent leather pumps, with fancy or 
black silk stockings, are worn. 



98 Manners, 



VISITING IN COUNTRY HOUSES. 

When asking guests to visit in your 
country house it is proper to fix the date of 
their arrival and of their leaving, whether 
the length of their visit is to be two days or 
a fortnight. 

Duties of Host or Hostess. — See that 
every thing has been prepared for the com- 
fort of the guests. Anticipate their bodily 
wants as much as possible. Direct that 
some servant shall go their rooms twice a 
day and ascertain whether any thing is de- 
sired, and whether any assistance can be 
rendered. 

Baths. — Arrange so that guests can be 
provided with cold or warm baths as they 
may prefer every morning. See that coarse 
towels or bath-sheets are within their reach. 

Water. — Have a can of hot water taken 
to each room at the hours of dressing. A 



Manners. 99 



pitcher of iced water and a glass on a tray- 
should be placed in the bedrooms at night. 

Writing Materials.— Have these, with 
paper, envelopes, and postage-stamps, put in 
each room. 

Entertaining. — Do not bore visitors 
by constantly trying to amuse them. After 
means of amusement have been provided let 
it be optional with them as to whether they 
avail themselves of these or not. Permit 
your visitors to enjoy the liberty of solitude 
and quiet if they so prefer. Any effort that 
is apparent to entertain is always bad form. 
The every-day life of a family should not be 
overthrown by the arrival of guests. 

Duties of Visitors. — Visitors should 
conform as much as possible to the habits 
and customs of the house. They should be 
moderate in their demands for personal at- 
tendance. They should not carry their 
moods into the drawing-room or to the 
table, and, whether they are bored or not, 



ioo Manners. 



should be ready to contribute as much as in 
their power to an atmosphere of pleasure. 
If the above involves too much self-sacrifice, 
then an invitation to visit should by no 
means be accepted. 

Fees to Servants. — It is the custom, 
upon leaving a house where you have been 
stopping, to give certain gratuities to such 
servants as have attended you during the 
visit, for instance to the butler, footman, or 
waitress, to the maid who has had charge of 
your room, to the valet or to the porter who 
has carried up your luggage. If you have 
had any extra stable service the coachman 
should be given something. The amount of 
these fees must be governed by the disposi- 
tion of the visitor and by the length of the 
visit, though a fair average is $i to each 
servant. 



Index. 101 



INDEX 



Acceptances of invitations, 56-57. 

Addressing clergyman and others, 63. 

Afternoon tea, 88. 

Altar, at the, 28. 

Announcement of engagement, 25. 

Asking a daughter's hand, 25. 

M At home," 16. 

Attendance at balls, 4. 

Awnings at balls, etc., 4. 

Awnings at receptions, 87. 

Balls, 1. 

Ball room, courtesy in, 20. 

Balls, fancy, 7. 

Balls, hour for, 1. 

Balls, invitations to, 52. 

Balls, public, 6. 

Baths, q8. 



102 Index. 

" Best man," 27. 
Boutonnieres at weddings, 28. 
Bouquets for brides, etc., 28. 
Bowing, 49. 
Breakfast, 8. 
Breakfast courses, 8. 
Breakfast, hunt, 71. 
Breakfast, late, 8. 
Breakfast, service at, 8. 
Breakfast, wines at, 9. 
Bride's bouquets, 28. 
Bride's dress, 94. 
Bridesmaids, 28. 
Brides, presents from, 29. 
Bridesmaid's dress, 94. 
Butler's duties at dinner, 43. 

Calling upon a guest, 12. 

Calls or visits, 13. 

Calls upon strangers. See Visits to, 14. 

Caudle at christening, 22. 

Card, lady's, 9. 

Cards, 9. 

Cards, address on, n. 

Cards at dinners, 37. 



I?idex. 103 

Cards at receptions, 13. 

Cards, color of, 9. 

Cards of dancing, 6. 

Cards for church weddings, 55. 

Cards for lady's formal visit, 12. 

Cards for receptions, 85. 

Cards, gentlemen's, 9. 

Cards, gentlemen's formal, 12. 

Cards, husband's profession on, it. 

Cards, mother and daughters', 10. 

Cards, number to be left, 10. 

Cards of condolence, 12. 

Cards of invitation, 51. 

Cards on dinner table, 38. 

Cards, omission of Christian names on, 10. 

Cards, printing of, 9. 

Cards to be left when calling on a guest, 12. 

Cards, turning down corners, 11. 

Cards, wedding, 54. 

Carriages, etc., 16. 

Carriages for theatre parties, 90. 

Chaperon at balls, 7. 

Chaperon at theatre parties, 90, 

Chaperons, courtesy to, 19. 

Chaperons, duty of, 20. 



104 Index, 

Chaperon, introductions to, 50. 
Chaperons, when necessary, 19. 
Choice of guests for dinner, 37. 
Christening, 21. 

Clergyman, form of address and other forms of ad- 
dress, 64. 
Clubs, 17. 

Clubs, debts of strangers, 18. 
Clubs, hats in, 18. 
Clubs, loud talking, etc., in, 18. 
Clubs, sleeping in, 18. 
Coaching dress, 96. 
Coats-of-arms, 22. 
Coats-of-arms, etc., on paper, 60. 
Coffee at dinner, 40. 
Coffee at lunch, 58. 
Coffin, 31. 

Condolence, letters of, 35. 
Cotillion or german, 5. 
Costumes at wedding, 28. 
Courses at breakfast, 8. 
Courses at dinner, 39. 
Courses at lunch, 58. 
Court dress for gentlemen, 83. 
Courtesy in a ball-room, 20. 



Index. 1 05 



Court, presentations at, etc., 79. 
Court, presentation dress at, 82. 
Courtships and weddings, 24. 
Crest, 23. 
Customs at presentation, 81. 

Dances, not public, 3. 

Dances, subscription, 1. 

Dancing at garden parties, 47. 

Dancing at picnics, 73. 

Deaths, 30. 

Death, notifying relatives, 30. 

Debts of strangers to clubs, 18. 

Debutante's dress, 94. 

Dinner, announcing, 38. 

Dinner, arrangements at, 37. 

Dinner at restaurant, arrangements for, 44. 

Dinner at restaurant, ordering, 44. 

Dinner at restaurant, style of, 44. 

Dinner, cards in hall at, 37. 

Dinner, choice of guests, 37. 

Dinner, courses at, 39. 

Dinner dress, 93. 

Dinner, going to the table, 39. 

Dinner, hour of, 36. 



1 06 Index. 



Dinner, late comers at, 37. 

Dinner, number of guests, 36. 

Dinner, wines at, 40. 

Dinners, 36. 

Dress at court for gentlemen, 83. 

Dress at court presentation for ladies, 82. 

Dress for coaching, 96, 

Dress for debutantes, 94. 

Dress for brides, 94. 

Dress for bridesmaids, 94. 

Dress for dinner, 93. 

Dress for luncheon, 96. 

Dress for tea, 93. 

Dresses for tennis, 92. 

Dresses for yachting, 93. 

Engagement dinners, 25. 
Engagement ring, 25. 
Engagement, time of, 26, 
Engagement visits, 26. 
Engagements, 24. 
England, precedence in, j6. 
English forms of address, etc., 64. 
Entertainments, going to, after deaths, 35. 

Fees to servants in private houses, 100. 



Index. 107 



Finger bowls, 43. 

First visits, 14. 

Flowers, 45. 

Flowers at balls, 6. 

Flowers at cotillion parties, 5. 

Flowers at wedding, 28. 

Flowers, propriety of sending, 46. 

Flowers, sending to ladies, 45. 

Formal letter, form of, 63. 

Formal visits, frequency of, 13. 

Funeral, flowers at, 32. 

Funeral, hour of, 31. 

Funeral in a house, 31. 

Funeral in church, 31. 

Funerals, 30. 

Funerals, going to cemetery, 32. 

Garden or lawn parties, 46. 
Garden parties, amusements at, 47. 
Garden parties, dancing at, 47. 
Garden parties in the evening, 47. 
Garden parties, refreshments at, 46. 
Gentlemen's cards, 9. 
Gentlemen's dress at court, 83. 
Gentlemen's gloves, 97. 



io8 Index. 

Gentlemen's hats, 96. 
Gentlemen's toilet, 95. 
German or cotillion, 5. 
Gloves for gentlemen, 97. 
Guests, the entertaining of, 99. 

Halls for dances, 2. 

Hand-shaking when introduced, 49 

Hats for gentlemen, 97. 

Hats in clubs, 17. 

Hats, opera, 97. 

-High tea," 88. 

Honored guest, 52. 

Horses, 16. 

Hot plates, 42. 

Hunt breakfast, 71. 

Hunting dress, 96. 

Husband and wife's cards, 9. 

Introduction, letters of, 69. 
Introductions, 48. 
Introductions, recognition of, 48. 
Invitations, 50. 
Invitations, cards of, 51. 
Invitations for the family, 43. 



Index, 109 



Invitations from the President, 74. 

Invitations in the country, 54. 

Invitations to balls, 52. 

Invitations to teas, 53. 

Invitations to wedding receptions, 55, 

Invitations to weddings, 54. 

Inviting strangers, 14. 

Jr., 63. 

Ladies' cards, 9. 
Ladies' toilet, 91. 
Lawn or garden parties, 46. 
Leaving a room, 20. 
Leaving the dinner-table, 43. 
Letter, construction of, 60. 
Letter, form of formal, 63. 
Letter to servant, 63. 
Letter writing, 58. 
Letters, forms of beginning, 60. 
Letters, forms of ending, 61. 
Letters of condolence, 35. 
Letters of introduction, 69. 
Liqueurs, etc., at dinner, 41. 
Livery, 16. 
Lunch, 57. 



no Index. 

Lunch courses, 58. 
Lunch, table service at, 58. 

"Matinees," 93. 

Menus, 38. 

Mineral waters, 41. 

Morning dress for gentlemen, 95, 

Mother and daughters' cards, 10. 

Mottoes on coats-of-arms, 24. 

Mourning, 30. 

Mourning dress, 33 and 34. 

Mourning stationery, 35. 

Music at balls, 3. 

Music at funerals, 32. 

Music at garden parties, 47. 

Music at receptions, 86. 

Music at weddings, 28. 

New Year's observations, 70. 
Notes, 60. 

Orders of dancing, see Cards, 6. 
Out-of-door sports, 71. 

Pall bearers, 30. 
Parents' permission, 25. 



Index. 1 1 1 



Partners for cotillion, etc., 5. 
Peignoirs, 93. 
Pens and ink, 59. 
Picnics, 72. 

Picnics, dancing at, 73. 
Picnics, refreshments at, 73. 
P. P. C. to club host, 18. 
P. P. C. card, 11. 
Precedence in England, 76. 
Presentation at court, etc., 79. 
Presentation, customs at, 81. 
President, the, 74. 
Private theatricals, 84. 
P. S., 63. 

Quarterings, 23. 

Rank in England, etc., 76. 
Receiving, ladies at balls, 2. 
Reception toilet, 92. 
Receptions, 85. 
Refreshments at picnics, 73. 
Refreshments at receptions, 86. 
Regrets, 56. 
Restaurant dinners, 43. 
R. S. V. P., 51. 



H2 Index. 



Service at dinner, 42. 
Servant, form of letter to, 63. 
Servants' fees, 100. 
Shaking hands at balls, 2. 
Shoes, 97. 

Style in turnouts, 17. 
Style of address, 62. 
Supper at balls, 3. 
Suppers, 87. 

Tableaux, 85. 

Table service, 42. 

Table service at lunch, 58. 

Tea, afternoon, %%. 

Tea, "high," 88. 

Tea gowns, 93. 

Teas, 88. 

Teas, invitations to, 43 and 53. 

Tennis, etc., 72. 

Tennis dresses, 92. 

Theatre parties, 90. 

Theatricals, private, 84. 

"The misses," 54. 

Titles, use of in addresses, etc., 64. 

Toilets at balls, 3. 



Index. 113 



Toilets at receptions, 92. 
Toilet for gentlemen, 95. 
Toilet for ladies, 91. 

Undertaker, 30. 

Unmarried ladies at restaurants, 45. 

Ushers, 27. 

Visiting hours, 13. 

Visiting in country houses, 98. 

Visits, engagement, 26. 

Visits, first, 14. 

Visits, general suggestions upon, 15. 

Visits or calls, 13. 

Visits special, important, 14. 

Visits to strangers, 14. 

Washington etiquette, 74 etc. 

Wedding cards, 54. 

Wedding costume, 28. 

Wedding day, 26. 

Weddings, invitations to, 54. 

Wedding presents, 29. 

Wedding receptions, invitations to, 55. 

White waistcoats, 97. 

Wines at breakfast, 9. 



ii4 Index. 



Wines at dinner, 40. 
Wrappers, 93. 
Writing materials, 59. 
Writing materials in England, 59. 

Yachting dresses, 93. 






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